Welcome to the Copywriter's Corner

A column by the other Max Pearl, brand strategist.

You may already know that, in addition to my wildly lucrative career as a freelance literary critic, I also work as a brand strategist and copywriter. Ever since I crossed over to the corporate side a few years ago, I can’t help but notice—and judge—other people’s ad copy everywhere I go. Welcome to the Copywriter’s Corner, a column where I share the best, the worst, and the most unhinged ads I encounter on my way through the city.

I once pitched an ad for a hotel rooftop restaurant known for open-flame cooking, which would appear as a poster in the elevator. The tagline: FIRE ON FLOOR 18. Obviously this was deranged and the client didn’t go for it. But Muzz, the Muslim dating app? They’re down to go there. All the way there. Good for them.

4 out of 5 pencils: ✏️✏️✏️✏️

Lately I’ve seen a lot of brands trying to prove they “get” NYC by name-dropping hyperlocal references. The writers behind these two Vitaminwater ads clearly don’t. They read like an alien in a human suit, struggling to make small talk at a party. Commuting by ferry? That’s your quintessential New York detail? And the yacht joke—what’s going on there? I’m baffled.

1 out of 5 pencils: ✏️

Brevity is the soul of wit, and this masterpiece clocks in at eight economical words. No notes, Bible App—though you should probably give your copywriter a raise.

5 out of 5 pencils: ✏️✏️✏️✏️✏️

Not to be outdone on the pith-o-meter is this two-word banger I pass every few days in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. It’s so effective that even I—a screen-addled goblin who’d lose it 40 seconds into a sensory deprivation tank—found myself tempted to give it a try.

4 out of 5 pencils: ✏️✏️✏️✏️

So close, Union of Concerned Scientists! One of the hardest things about copywriting is getting the punch line across and including all the necessary info, which often means agonizing over what you can cut without losing clarity. I love the wordplay here, but the repetition of “big fans” makes it feel like they didn’t trust me to get the joke. And the last thing you want your viewer to feel is dumb.

3 out of 5 pencils: ✏️✏️✏️

Seen an ad you want to share with the readers? Hit my hotline: mx.pearl@gmail.com

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What I’m reading around the web: Ursula Lindsey on Tangier’s preeminent novelist, Mohamed Choukri, and his vexed relationship to the city’s bohemian mythology, for NYRB; Brittany Dennison on Seoul’s wild after-hours clubs and the history of the Itaewon neighborhood—a zone of permissiveness that embodies the contradictions of its past as a U.S. military colony—for Dilettante Army; Nyshka Chandran revisits “Disco Deewane,” the 1981 Pakistani pop smash that topped international charts and permanently transformed the sound of South Asia, for Resident Advisor.